If I had known, I probly would not have endulged in the guilty pleasure to begin with. It was sposed to be only a simple passing of time. Now, Ive got this responsibility on my hands. I dont know whether to pretend like it never happened or accept it onto my life as fate. I mean, Ive always had this gut-feeling that if I kept it up, someday Id find myself in this situation. So, I guess I cant claim ignorance. What did I expect, really?
What about when my friends find out? How am I going to explain it, then? They are never going to be able to look at me the same. I spoke with my Reverend. I spoke with my therapist. Besides these two of my confidants, I have not shared my situation, at all, with any other. The fineprint on the back states that if I dont come forward to claim ownership within a year, it will be deemed null and void. So, Im contemplating to just sit on it and eventually I'll be able to pretend like it never happened.
But for now, it is very real and very embarrassing. I mean, why does anyone buy these things if not to win, or at least imagine winning something. I was bored and had a couple extra bux in my pocket. I never really wanted this to happen. I was satisfied with only daydreaming about it. Daydreams of my daughters university tuition. Daydreams of helping some of my friends into detox and rehab. Daydreams of helping my mother and ex-wife with their bills and debts.
In reality, Im not so brave. In reality, this has scared the shit out of me. Ive tucked this cursed scratch and win lottery ticket between the pages of a book I havent opened in years. In reality, if I were so brave, I would've torn it to pieces and tossed it in the trash. In reality, I dont know how Im ever gonna trust anybody while Im holding onto this. This is just to much for me to comprehend.
