Today, we dedicate this child....

Prophetic visions dismissed as childhood daydreams. Stifled possibilities. Forgotten realities. Persuaded to embrace ego.

Shortly after I came into this world, the elders gathered. They laid their hands on me, offered meditative prayer, anointed me with oil and received inspired direction for the young life that was resting in the middle of their sacred circle.

Not just another ceremony to satisfy tradition, this gathering revealed itself to be much more shortly after the invocation. What usually was considered to be a warm and receptive occasion, had suddenly become a nervous and rather awkward situation.

The elders, filled with ancient wisdom, knew better than to question or interpret as they continued to proceed. The collective faith held by the congregation shook. One person stood up and left the room. Most others lifted their heads from their reverant postures, trying to find assurance while exchanging glances amongst themselves.

The elders pressed on expressing unreasonable senarios and offering warnings of a very restless life.

After the benediction, there was no reception. There was no meal gathering. No warm family reunion. Confused, the congregation somberly dispersed and returned to their homes to try and forget about what they had just witnessed.  But, even to this day as I live and breathe, it has not been forgotten and cannot be denied. I am a child of God and his plan for me may not be as pretty as the rest but, it is just as important.

Things people say....

If someones gonna pick a number for this, its gonna be me. Well, that ain't right. No, it ain't. It just is and in management's books, thats all that matters.

I thought everything was going so well.

I have something I need to tell you and I dont want it to be a big deal. I hope you will be understanding and comprehensive.

Im not going to let anyone hurt you again.

Actions speak louder than words. 

                               Since as far back as I can remember (I can clearly remember my 1st birthday) Ive thought I heard people I love talking awful things about me amongst themselves when they thought I couldnt hear them. I used to ask (the people involved) about it. Every time, the reply was denial of some shade or another. So now, these days when it happens (and it does all the time), I try to tell myself that it is only in my head. 

You know, my parents split up when I was 5. My mother told me it was becuz The Child Welfare Authority came to our door with accusations of abuse against my father. 

As I just told you, I can remember my first birthday. But, I dont recall my natural father ever laying an abusive hand on me. I do, however, remember my step-father breaking my elbow when he was beating me with a piece of 2x4 lumber. I remember my mother breaking my foot when she picked me up and threw me into the piano for not practicing properly. I remember my mother beating me so hard, my bum and the backs of my thighs were so black and blue they were deep purple and yellow. On acouple occasions, I was made to skip my weekly swimming lesson becuz my swimming shorts couldnt cover my bruises. I remember my mother throwing a knife at me. 

One plus one equals two. Zero plus two equals two. Two minus zero equals two. There are a bunch of equations than give the same conclusion. However, Im having a hard time figuring this to add up. I sit here, trying to ignore feelings of loneliness and rejection, trying to remind myself that it may not be the way it seems to me. I wonder about the equation, Reality minus what is only in my head.