Triangles: Welcome to The New Perspective...

I am a triangle.  Grounded soundly on my broad side. From opposite ends of my line, two points incline towards one another to meet(3points make a triangle).  

Imagine,

You and I are the opposite ends of a line. Above us, in the middle, is Love. As we both reach for Love, we form a triangle.  The further away we make opposite ends, more energy is required to travel a further distance to connect to Love. The further away our line is from Love, the steeper our climb becomes to connect Love.

The same thing happens when 2points that form the baseline become too close.  The incline towards love becomes steeper.  

But, when we lift our line closer to the point of Love, our triangle becomes sturdier. Increasingly unshakable.  When our triangle's stance is wide and Love is close, this triangle formation of energy becomes increasingly solid. 

Prisms.  Spectrum of color.  Light.  Sight.  Perspective.  What direction will I tilt my triangle today?  How will I choose to allow the pure light of Love to refract through my prism?  Will I choose to reveal only certain colors?  Id like to place my triangle in just the right place.  Just the right angle so every color shines together and displays a full, proportionate and wonderful rainbow of life. 

This is a 3D world. Length, height and depth. A line is not 3D.  It is of popular opinion that connections between 2people involve only 2points.  Zero and One. You or me.  Us or them.  It is when we connect to Love that our view is lifted and awakens a truely 3D world.  

Happiness is....

Polly doesnt judge me.  Polly accepts me for who I am.  Polly doesnt think there is anything wrong with me.  Polly doesnt become frustrated and annoyed with my unique nature.  Polly prefers me no other way than how I am.  Polly and I want the same things.   Polly doesnt push me away and she doesnt hide.  Polly makes time for me.  Polly shares.  Polly tells me about her day.

Diana, you knew from the moment you laid eyes on Polly that she was going to be a very special part of my life.  So did she and so did I.  Some things are bigger than explanation. 

As well, I knew you would become involved with your boss.  I knew this mainly because you would stay out all nite, not answer your cell phone, come home in the morning wasted drunk and tell me about how your boss wants to sleep with you and you think about sleeping with him, too.

As Polly and I grow closer and deeper every day together,  I wish for you and Chris to find everything your selfish materialistic lil heart ever wanted.  Im sure his expensive lifestyle will please you more than folding my ripped jeans ever could.

Today, we dedicate this child....

Prophetic visions dismissed as childhood daydreams. Stifled possibilities. Forgotten realities. Persuaded to embrace ego.

Shortly after I came into this world, the elders gathered. They laid their hands on me, offered meditative prayer, anointed me with oil and received inspired direction for the young life that was resting in the middle of their sacred circle.

Not just another ceremony to satisfy tradition, this gathering revealed itself to be much more shortly after the invocation. What usually was considered to be a warm and receptive occasion, had suddenly become a nervous and rather awkward situation.

The elders, filled with ancient wisdom, knew better than to question or interpret as they continued to proceed. The collective faith held by the congregation shook. One person stood up and left the room. Most others lifted their heads from their reverant postures, trying to find assurance while exchanging glances amongst themselves.

The elders pressed on expressing unreasonable senarios and offering warnings of a very restless life.

After the benediction, there was no reception. There was no meal gathering. No warm family reunion. Confused, the congregation somberly dispersed and returned to their homes to try and forget about what they had just witnessed.  But, even to this day as I live and breathe, it has not been forgotten and cannot be denied. I am a child of God and his plan for me may not be as pretty as the rest but, it is just as important.

Things people say....

If someones gonna pick a number for this, its gonna be me. Well, that ain't right. No, it ain't. It just is and in management's books, thats all that matters.

I thought everything was going so well.

I have something I need to tell you and I dont want it to be a big deal. I hope you will be understanding and comprehensive.

Im not going to let anyone hurt you again.

Actions speak louder than words. 

                               Since as far back as I can remember (I can clearly remember my 1st birthday) Ive thought I heard people I love talking awful things about me amongst themselves when they thought I couldnt hear them. I used to ask (the people involved) about it. Every time, the reply was denial of some shade or another. So now, these days when it happens (and it does all the time), I try to tell myself that it is only in my head. 

You know, my parents split up when I was 5. My mother told me it was becuz The Child Welfare Authority came to our door with accusations of abuse against my father. 

As I just told you, I can remember my first birthday. But, I dont recall my natural father ever laying an abusive hand on me. I do, however, remember my step-father breaking my elbow when he was beating me with a piece of 2x4 lumber. I remember my mother breaking my foot when she picked me up and threw me into the piano for not practicing properly. I remember my mother beating me so hard, my bum and the backs of my thighs were so black and blue they were deep purple and yellow. On acouple occasions, I was made to skip my weekly swimming lesson becuz my swimming shorts couldnt cover my bruises. I remember my mother throwing a knife at me. 

One plus one equals two. Zero plus two equals two. Two minus zero equals two. There are a bunch of equations than give the same conclusion. However, Im having a hard time figuring this to add up. I sit here, trying to ignore feelings of loneliness and rejection, trying to remind myself that it may not be the way it seems to me. I wonder about the equation, Reality minus what is only in my head.

Hold on. Let me write that down so I dont forget.

Sometimes, it is best to make a decision after we have had a good nite's rest. As the old saying advices, "Sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning."

Tomorrow is a new day.

A new day. Another chance. A clean slate. A fresh sheet of paper. However, if the previous day was written with a heavy hand, impressions are left on pages underneath. Teardrops may've fallen, soaked down through layers and left wrinkled spots for evidence that days before have been sorrowful.

There are indents pressed clear through to the back cover of this thick, ragged book. Like scars across an old man's withered face. Even under an occasional pleasant expression, there lingers impressions of past trauma. The most beautiful description cannot cover these blood and sweat stains that have seeped through and soiled every page.

As the sun rises and marks the beginning of this new day, I turn to the next page on the notepad of my life. Weathered and torn along the edges. Stained and smudged. This is far from a clean sheet of paper. But, just as yesterdays gone by, tomorrow has become today and, again, will leave its impression on pages yet to be turned.

Tomorrow is a new day. Another chance. Whether I decide to like it or not.

Humility or stupidity

What am I doing here? I wasnt invited. Nor, have I been accepted. Barely tolerated. My mere presence is considered to be an unessesary distraction. The imprint my foot leaves in the dirt behind me is enuff reason for these creatures to justify their frustration. It has never been my intention to cause disruption. So, I have paid special attention to cover every track I have made. In fact, I have even learned to make it through the cold nites without setting a campfire. I could choose to fly from this place today and no one would be able to prove I was ever here. As I am sure I would be gladly forgotten just as quickly.

It has never been my intention to cause disruption. If I could repair the damage I've done, I would. However, a life has been taken. I killed one of these creatures, mistaking it for food. Although, it was my last resort. As long as I remain here, I may never forget that day. As long as I remain here, these creatures may not, either. As I choose to remain here, constant attention to shifting weights between my remorse and their resentment is essential.

Others have been here before me. As their abandoned shelters and ruined attempts to make a happy life here were evident even apon my intital approach, I do believe they were at least invited at some point. Any progress I have made to build shelter has been torn apart by these creatures before Ive ever constructed anything respectable enuff for comparison to what has been left behind by others. I wonder how long they stayed. I wonder where they went. I used to wonder why they left.

So, what am I still doing here? Whats the point? Faith and humility or selfishness and stupidity. Jesus Christ had faith. So, does Charles Manson. Jesus Christ was sentenced to death and crucified by age 33. Charles Manson is still alive at almost age 80. Although different in many respects, each of us can find a rally against us. Any one of us can find a hostile heart that wants nothing more than to beat us into submission. But most importantly, what we 3 have in common is that we choose to follow our hearts.

THAT... is what I am doing here. Following my heart.

Like a fish needs a bicycle

I sit along the tree line just beyond the beach that cuts between myself and the ocean. Like a barb-wired boarder. Jagged shards for sand that catch the sun so hot and sharp. However, I have easily taken to flight over this barrier, at my leisure, on occasion.

The water infront of me, sparkles like crystal. Shimmering true blue and sunshine yellow and evergreen. Mesmerizing schools of fish and rainbow-brilliant sea-life swarm and team. Beautiful as they maybe, they are  equally carnivorous alive as they are also, poisonous when eaten.

The forest behind me is thick with lurking behavior. Musky survival hangs in the air like a hand full of wet paint. Humid and dark. Creatures digging and snorting under bushes. Eyes prying down from the treetops.

These creatures and I have become tolerant towards each other's presence, now. However, I have not hunted another only becuz these creatures are poisonous (like the fish) when eaten. Trust me, if those yummy lil things were not poisonous, I would be feasting nightly. I know they would love to devour me, too. But....

These creatures cannot fly. I can. Quite well, now too. Strong and quick. This is the only reason they have stopped their attempts for my capture. They simply hold too much pride within them to attempt and fail, yet again or one last time. It is not becuz their mouths have stopped salivating when my scent catches their breeze.

All of the things I feared when I first set foot onto this land, no longer hold any threat over me. As well, all of the things on this land that feared me, no longer question my place here. A line has been drawn and mutually accepted. They do their things and I do mine. Each a balance for the other as I sit along the tree line just beyond the beach that cuts between myself and the ocean.