Dear Universe.....

Dear Universe,

Thank you for all the love that you so generously give me daily.  In your time, I am always provided for, I know.

I dont desire to break from the rythm of life that has been rewarding me with this constant flow of blessings.  So, if there could be a way to fit my selfish human wishes into The Plan, that would be sooo great :)

My human desire is for the pure and honest true love of a irresistablly beautiful, pleasant, respectful and dedicated woman.  This woman is running to me rite now, from where ever she may be, with arms wide open and full of hope.  She is going to show up on my doorstep, give me a warm hug an' tell me, "Everything is going to be ok".  She will hold my hand and share everything with me.  Without fear or expectation or condition.  Unlimited patience and compassionate acceptance.

Love has taken me to many places and I dont regret, even for a moment, a single choice.  But, maybe this time, love could come blazing a trail straight for me, instead?  

Arite Universe, there ya have it  :)  Of course, no pressure :P  

Thank you,

       Your child.

In response,

You say you were never truely in love with me.  No duh!!!  I truely loved you, though.  Even though you cheated on me and lied to me and kept secrets and neglected me, I dont talk trash about you, Diana.  Maybe it is your own guilt that is trying to convince you that I am.  Maybe I should be talking trash about you.  But, all I can do is be thankful.

Yes, thankful.  If you had not kicked me out of Mexico so you could finally fuck your boss, I would not be living in this wonderful city or this awesome condo that looks out over English Bay .  I would not have this amazing job.  I would not be living a life that feels like every day my dreams are coming true.

I check your blog (http://galadiana.blogspot.com/) becuz I hope to read that your life is going well, Diana.  Buenos Aires.  True love.  Your art.  Your passion.  I read your blog becuz I hope to see that, these decisions you've made, are making you as happy as they have made me.

You have influenced my life in ways, I wonder if, you may never understand.  Thank you for so much.  I wish you well.

Polly Part2

Polly is my very close and good friend.  I believe her when she tells me everything is going to be ok.  I trust her becuz she is always honest with me. Never hurtful.  Always gentle.  Polly knows.  Polly understands.  As well, Polly has been the excuse you'd been looking for.  The excuse you needed to explore your fantasies without having to face the shame of throwing away a good man who truely loved you.

Love is the most powerful and abundant resource known to mankind.  More powerful than the sun and more abundant than water.  The only reason a person would not have success with love is becuz she would not step out from her shell to feel the warm sun shine on her bare skin.  She would not strip down naked and jump into the refreshing lake, head-first.

I am a frog, resting on a lillypad and basking in the sunshine.  As I sit and enjoy the scenery, I watch many a princess walk the path that circles this lake.  They are all searching for the same thing.  True love.  The first princess brave enuff to swim out here and give this frog a kiss is going to have a prince on her hands.

Save your breath and your words.  I can barely see you along the waters edge, anymore and I cant hear a word you are saying from out here in the middle of this lake.  Your apology means nothing to me.  Unless you are the princess that is going to swim out here and give me that magic kiss, I couldnt care less about what else you do.

Triangles: Welcome to The New Perspective...

I am a triangle.  Grounded soundly on my broad side. From opposite ends of my line, two points incline towards one another to meet(3points make a triangle).  

Imagine,

You and I are the opposite ends of a line. Above us, in the middle, is Love. As we both reach for Love, we form a triangle.  The further away we make opposite ends, more energy is required to travel a further distance to connect to Love. The further away our line is from Love, the steeper our climb becomes to connect Love.

The same thing happens when 2points that form the baseline become too close.  The incline towards love becomes steeper.  

But, when we lift our line closer to the point of Love, our triangle becomes sturdier. Increasingly unshakable.  When our triangle's stance is wide and Love is close, this triangle formation of energy becomes increasingly solid. 

Prisms.  Spectrum of color.  Light.  Sight.  Perspective.  What direction will I tilt my triangle today?  How will I choose to allow the pure light of Love to refract through my prism?  Will I choose to reveal only certain colors?  Id like to place my triangle in just the right place.  Just the right angle so every color shines together and displays a full, proportionate and wonderful rainbow of life. 

This is a 3D world. Length, height and depth. A line is not 3D.  It is of popular opinion that connections between 2people involve only 2points.  Zero and One. You or me.  Us or them.  It is when we connect to Love that our view is lifted and awakens a truely 3D world.  

Happiness is....

Polly doesnt judge me.  Polly accepts me for who I am.  Polly doesnt think there is anything wrong with me.  Polly doesnt become frustrated and annoyed with my unique nature.  Polly prefers me no other way than how I am.  Polly and I want the same things.   Polly doesnt push me away and she doesnt hide.  Polly makes time for me.  Polly shares.  Polly tells me about her day.

Diana, you knew from the moment you laid eyes on Polly that she was going to be a very special part of my life.  So did she and so did I.  Some things are bigger than explanation. 

As well, I knew you would become involved with your boss.  I knew this mainly because you would stay out all nite, not answer your cell phone, come home in the morning wasted drunk and tell me about how your boss wants to sleep with you and you think about sleeping with him, too.

As Polly and I grow closer and deeper every day together,  I wish for you and Chris to find everything your selfish materialistic lil heart ever wanted.  Im sure his expensive lifestyle will please you more than folding my ripped jeans ever could.

Today, we dedicate this child....

Prophetic visions dismissed as childhood daydreams. Stifled possibilities. Forgotten realities. Persuaded to embrace ego.

Shortly after I came into this world, the elders gathered. They laid their hands on me, offered meditative prayer, anointed me with oil and received inspired direction for the young life that was resting in the middle of their sacred circle.

Not just another ceremony to satisfy tradition, this gathering revealed itself to be much more shortly after the invocation. What usually was considered to be a warm and receptive occasion, had suddenly become a nervous and rather awkward situation.

The elders, filled with ancient wisdom, knew better than to question or interpret as they continued to proceed. The collective faith held by the congregation shook. One person stood up and left the room. Most others lifted their heads from their reverant postures, trying to find assurance while exchanging glances amongst themselves.

The elders pressed on expressing unreasonable senarios and offering warnings of a very restless life.

After the benediction, there was no reception. There was no meal gathering. No warm family reunion. Confused, the congregation somberly dispersed and returned to their homes to try and forget about what they had just witnessed.  But, even to this day as I live and breathe, it has not been forgotten and cannot be denied. I am a child of God and his plan for me may not be as pretty as the rest but, it is just as important.

Things people say....

If someones gonna pick a number for this, its gonna be me. Well, that ain't right. No, it ain't. It just is and in management's books, thats all that matters.

I thought everything was going so well.

I have something I need to tell you and I dont want it to be a big deal. I hope you will be understanding and comprehensive.

Im not going to let anyone hurt you again.

Actions speak louder than words. 

                               Since as far back as I can remember (I can clearly remember my 1st birthday) Ive thought I heard people I love talking awful things about me amongst themselves when they thought I couldnt hear them. I used to ask (the people involved) about it. Every time, the reply was denial of some shade or another. So now, these days when it happens (and it does all the time), I try to tell myself that it is only in my head. 

You know, my parents split up when I was 5. My mother told me it was becuz The Child Welfare Authority came to our door with accusations of abuse against my father. 

As I just told you, I can remember my first birthday. But, I dont recall my natural father ever laying an abusive hand on me. I do, however, remember my step-father breaking my elbow when he was beating me with a piece of 2x4 lumber. I remember my mother breaking my foot when she picked me up and threw me into the piano for not practicing properly. I remember my mother beating me so hard, my bum and the backs of my thighs were so black and blue they were deep purple and yellow. On acouple occasions, I was made to skip my weekly swimming lesson becuz my swimming shorts couldnt cover my bruises. I remember my mother throwing a knife at me. 

One plus one equals two. Zero plus two equals two. Two minus zero equals two. There are a bunch of equations than give the same conclusion. However, Im having a hard time figuring this to add up. I sit here, trying to ignore feelings of loneliness and rejection, trying to remind myself that it may not be the way it seems to me. I wonder about the equation, Reality minus what is only in my head.